The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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