Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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