I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
