I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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