So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
