why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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