nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
