Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize