Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
