Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Jerry, you need to find god
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
