I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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