Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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