my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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