oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
