Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
