I just made out with a guy for $7.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
