is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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