at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
