i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
