3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
