Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
