I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
