separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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