i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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