Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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