My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
