So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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