My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize