dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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