I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Found your dick twin last night
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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