i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
