i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
