you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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