i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
