i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
