Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
