you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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