at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
