im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
