K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
