So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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