be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
