I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
