This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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