they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
