so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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