well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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