also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
