You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
