I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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