Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
