just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
