I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
