god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
your like the ambassador to my penis.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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