If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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