if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
