So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
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Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
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I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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