i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
