please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
