May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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