hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
