Pappa wants mamma naked
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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