i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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