By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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