Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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