ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize