Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
