I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
